When I was a teenager, I had one friend who was well known for having the cool mom. She was cool. She let her daughter do absolutely anything, and by extension, she let me and any other of her daughter’s friends do absolutely anything. You could drink and smoke at her house— she would even buy you alcohol and cigarettes.
You could say you were at her house and really be at a college party because she would corroborate your story, although, being at her house, nine times out of ten was probably worse than being at a college party. At her house, you could hang out with the bad boys your parents forbid you from hanging around outside of school. She would have big parties where nothing was off limits for the teens she was so deperate to be accepted by. Her house was the fun house. The house of sex and drugs for kids.
She was the best.
At least that’s what I thought until I became a mom.
Holy Shit. What Was This Woman Thinking?
And what in the world could have possibly made her think it was a good idea to allow this kind of abuse of so many children. Yes, children. And yes, abuse, absolutely.
I’m Your Mom
No, we will not be getting matching piercings or tattoos. And, no, you and your friends will not be allowed to drink and smoke and have sex at my house because, “if you’re gonna do it, I’d rather you do it in my house,” —nope. No we will not be telling people we are sisters so nobody knows how old I am, and I will not be borrowing any of your clothes.
I am not a teenager, and you are not an adult.
Beware of the teen who has brilliantly learned how to manipulate the “friend-mom” into getting away with just about anything.
What do you think will come of this? Being friend-mom will not stop you from aging. If you are old enough to be the parent of a teenager, then you should have reached a level of maturity that prevents the unfortunate circumstance of friend-mom from ever even being a consideration.
Your natural instinct, as a mother, should cancel out any thoughts of this and any nostalgic grip on youth you may struggle to let go of. Your natural instinct, as a mother, the selfless being that is the mom, should override any selfish feelings of refusal to give up being young and cool. Being young and cool is the very last thing your teenaged child needs you to be. And whether or not your son’s friends think your hot should also rank a big fat zero on the priority scale.
But for some reason, there are moms (and dads, but more moms than dads) out there who have such a desperate urge to maintain their youth and the perception of themselves when they actually were young, maybe even as young as high school age, that this feeling ends up overriding any parental instincts that should be active at this stage of their life — their child’s life.
Don’t Judge A Book By Its Cover
Looks can be deceiving. I know this. I’m sure I look or have looked like a friend-mom. I am not.
As a mom, please continue to maintain perosnal identity, style and/or some originality. You deserve to life your life the way you want. Just be careful not to cross that line of potentially looking it, to actually being it. I can attest, bright red hair, tattoos, looking younger than other moms may have some moms judging you. It’s fine. You’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it. It’s ok if you look like friend-mom. Just don’t be one.
Do You Know A Friend-Mom?
I won’t mention what followed for the friend-mom and her daughter that I once knew other than to say that they are both dead. No lie.
The damage done by prioritizing friend-mom status cannot be undone.
What’re your thoughts on friend-mom/friend-dad?
Do you feel it’s your responsibility, as a parent, to speak up on behalf of the children of the friend-mom? Do you even know any? If not, do you think they exist? What if your child is friends with the kid with the friend-mom?
What would you do?